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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.  Mark Twain 
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.  Murphy 
When in doubt, mumble.  Murphy 
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.  Murphy 
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.  Murphy 
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.  Murphy 
Mother nature is a bitch.  Murphy 
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.  Murphy 
When all else fails, read the instructions.  Murphy 
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.  Murphy 
If you fool around with anything long enough, you will screw it up.  Murphy 
Every solution breeds new problems.  Murphy 

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